Asya Raines

Q&A: Asya Raines

Latvian immigrant Asya Raines didn't start out to write her life story. But in Asya's Laws, she reveals the truths and experiences that have shaped her life. How did she come to write her book? Read on:

Your story reveals a great deal about your life. How and why did you decide to share your story?
It was not a one day decision. I had been telling some of my stories to my future co-author as we were building our deep friendship. For me it was a way to help him to understand me better. A big part of it was his absolutely great talent in asking and listening. But I never could imagine that anybody but close friend would be interested in my personal life story.
    The decision to write a book came during our visit to Latvia in December, 2004. After seeing the picture of my Mom in the Museum of Occupation, the huge stream of memories and emotions seized me. Of course, I was sharing them with Charlie. And then he told me that we have to write a book about her, me, our time, our country and about the way we loved.

Have you always been interested in writing or was this a "first" for you?
I have loved writing since high school. I loved writing compositions in my Russian Literature class. Oh, I loved writing long-long letters to my friends in another cities. I had a little experience in a student newspaper. But I had never written anything serious. Besides, it all was in Russian language. Yes, this is the first book in my life!

What led you to work with Mr. Fleetham?
He inspired me to create a book. I would never have the courage to do it on my own. And, Charlie is a writer. He has a degree from MSU in creative writing. He had already written and published his own book, The Search For Unrational Leadership.  He knew how to make a book out of the stories I was telling to him and to some of our friends. His help was immeasurable!

How did you come up with the idea of Asya's Laws?
It came up spontaneously. Each story I was telling, led me to some conclusions, "quintessence" of emotional condition, ironic joke about the situation, or rule that I have created for myself and that would come back in my memory when I was facing a life problem. My co-author suggested that I name them my laws.  I resisted at first, because I didn't want the readers to think that I knew more than I did, that I was telling them how to live their lives.  But, he convinced me that the laws applied to my situation and that our readers could use them as they liked.

How have your children reacted to the book? Were they comfortable with how much detail you shared?
It was my big worry. They were very excited about the idea of me writing a book. After they read the first five or six chapters, I had a serious conversation with them. I said that if it would hurt them, I would just stop writing. But they both liked it and encouraged me to keep writing, and asked me not to be afraid of negative opinions from people that I knew, or were even featured in the story - like their father. "It is your life, it is all true. It is how you have lived and how you felt," they said.   When the book was finished, and my daughter read it, she said that I could not leave her a better inheritance.

As you describe some of your experiences - staying with your husband through his affairs and having an affair of your own - you don't seem to express much judgment, either against him or against yourself. How did you see those decisions at the time, and how do you view them today?

I do not see them much differently today. I was more sad than angry then, and I feel the same way today. I had always felt that people who are having affairs are losing a very important part of a relationship - true connection and inner freedom. It brings confusion into your soul when you start dividing yourself between two loves, unless one is not alive anymore. But then it is not dividing - it is replacement. I did feel uncomfortable when I had an affair. Then I made a decision to leave my husband. I still think that it was the only right decision. I believed, I was helping my husband to stop dividing himself, too. Maybe I was wrong. Who knows, but I made the decision and have to live it.

The book spends much time in the past. What is your life like today and how have your experience shaped it?
Oh, my life today is full of excitement and struggle in the same time! Struggle is in the practical part of it. In the last two years I have lost my job twice, have been unemployed for months looking for the job and working different part-time temporary ones. Actually, I am still working two part-time jobs: I am a teller at the bank and a bookkeeper in small business.  But I have met a wonderful man three years ago, and in three weeks we are getting married!  Yes, he is the Frustrated Author!
    How my experiences shaped me? They made me older, I guess. But, I have learned a lot. I have learned how to keep going no matter what. I have also learned that there are no inescapable situations. Just don't be afraid to make a decision! Even if it will turn to be wrong, you'll be able to make another one to correct the mistake.  I am shaping myself every day of my life, and I am still doing it right now. And my loved and loving ones are helping me so much!  We cannot grow alone, can we?